Jealousy

I am just writing. Just to get is out, so...

I am jealous of my brother, over a girl. Something I never would have though could happen. Of my sister, maybe - my younger sister is prettier than me, and I guess we have pretty similar tastes in guys. But brother? For one, in girls, I don't care for looks all that much, nor body types, and my brother, like a regular guy, does. Plus, well... I don't care for straight girls. I always wondered how tough it could be for gays, for if one would be as prone to falling for random people who just seem cool or cute, they would have it hard, as most of the people they meet are bound to be straight, but well... I can kinda tell if a girl would be fine with chicks, and I am just not interested in straight ones. The problem, as it seems, are people like me, who don't give a crap about gender.

That really is the problem here, sexuality and gender. For even if She said She didn't want to sleep with him (again tonight), even as She was hitting on me the entire night, my brother just didn't take a hint. Well, maybe he did, but his reaction was to keep pushing and sulk a bit. Why would he, his interest in Her take priority over mine just because he's a guy. That's the silly part of it. I would feel better if he at some point recognized he was in the way, at least made a "do you guys need some privacy?" joke. Maybe that's all I care about. For my sister, if we were out with another guy, would have noticed if he was acting the way She was tonight. I would have felt better if he hadn't presumed he had the priority just because he was a male.

And dear She. No matter how many times you make the "incenst sandwich" joke when you are walking, sitting or standing between us, it is not going to happen. I am not having a threesome with my brother. So you have to choose.

I guess She did, since they are together and I'm here writing a blog. Yeah, She is staying over at his place, for She needs a place to sleep while She's in the city. And well, I guess she really didn't want to walk back alone. Maybe She really didn't get that I was okay with her coming on to me, that my only problem was my own brother attempting to touch her while she is touching me. Maybe. It seems silly that I was hoping that my brother went home, and when he did, She went with him. But well... The reason I really feel shitty right now is not that I didn't get her, it's that... 

I care for my brother more than Her. His feelings, whether he is feeling down or left out, are, to me, more important than whether she is feeling rejected. More important, as it seems, whether I get to make out with a girl I really like. I would rather the three of us would hang out, as friends, than my brother feeling alone and shitty for being pushed aside by a chick he already slept with. I would not want to have sex with a girl who had just hurt or rejected my brother. Well, to me, my brother not sitting alone and feeling this shitty thing I'm feeling is more important than getting laid. I feel down that this does not apply to him.

So I am jealous of my brother, for he is right now fucking a girl I kinda like. And I am jealous of that girl, for fucking her is more important to my brother than his sister not feeling like this. It is a strange feeling. What exactly is the point of jealousy?